Dear Morgan,
I am sorry I haven't written in such a long time. I guess I am always saying that! Life has been quite crazy, and I have quite the interesting project on my plate right now.
You know already, but I am in Ukraine doing some cool development work! I am keeping a blog of my progress if you ever wanted to check it out! You can find it at http://www.lettersfromternopil.wordpress.com/
It is a new chapter, with new steps to be made, but I will come back and write here once and a while too!
There are some thoughts that always bring me back to you. I had one in Peru that I look forward to sharing with you.
I hope all is well,
I love and miss you lots!!
Love forever,
From Ternopil, Ukraine,
Mack
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Monday, February 06, 2012
The Wise Words of Oprah
Monday February 6th, 2012
Dear Morg,
I am sensing a bit of a trend forming here for my next few posts... My mind is still wrapped around the idea of mental health, asking for help and self-worth.
I spent this past weekend at home and finally got around to watching Oprah's final episode that aired on May 25th, 2011 (took me awhile to get around to it, I know).
Oprah's show was on for longer than you and I have been alive and I know that many people grew up with or grew into their adult lives watching and learning with Oprah. In her final show, there were no surprises, just Oprah, standing on the stage, being open and honest and grateful for the adventures she has shared with her audience.
I want to share with you some of the most poignant quotes that really meant something to me as I watched this show. It gives a simple and true understanding of the human need for validation - that it is the common thread between all of us.
"The show has taught me there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things often don't feel worthy once they have them... There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness ... you're worthy because you are born and because you are here. Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough."
"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?' ... Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. 'I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'"
Dear Morg,
I am sensing a bit of a trend forming here for my next few posts... My mind is still wrapped around the idea of mental health, asking for help and self-worth.
I spent this past weekend at home and finally got around to watching Oprah's final episode that aired on May 25th, 2011 (took me awhile to get around to it, I know).
Oprah's show was on for longer than you and I have been alive and I know that many people grew up with or grew into their adult lives watching and learning with Oprah. In her final show, there were no surprises, just Oprah, standing on the stage, being open and honest and grateful for the adventures she has shared with her audience.
I want to share with you some of the most poignant quotes that really meant something to me as I watched this show. It gives a simple and true understanding of the human need for validation - that it is the common thread between all of us.
"The show has taught me there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things often don't feel worthy once they have them... There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness ... you're worthy because you are born and because you are here. Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough."
"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?' ... Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. 'I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'"
It is incredible how simple it actually is. All of us want to be seen and heard for who we are - we seek understanding from the people around us. Sometimes I think we connect understanding with the concept of finding similarities between ourselves and others, especially because it is difficult to form a connection and understanding across differences.
I learned in one of my classes that validation comes from acknowledging who the person is in all of their uniqueness. By answering someone's call to see and hear them, you give them confirmation that they exist in this world. How many times have we seen some sort of disability inhibit that confirmation because it is too different?
Too many to count.
True acknowledgement is different than recognition. I could say I hear you and see you, but not accept you in my heart for every aspect of who you are. I may try to categorize you or dismiss you based on what I see and hear. It isn't enough. We have to go that extra bit to let someone share a space with us where it is safe to be exactly who they are (and it is safe for you to be who you are too) and in that space we can experience the world together.
It is said that if we don't reach out in this way and acknowledge genuinely, the person enters a place of fear, anxiety, stress, sadness, anger and isolation. Have you been in this place before? Do you think you've caused someone to be in this place?
I can answer yes to both of those questions. I have both felt that terrible place, and I know I have caused it. I recognize that we are human, we make mistakes, and sometimes we don't have the capacity to validate every person. But we don't have to... it is like taking baby steps. Start out small, with the people around you: parents, friends, siblings... and then extend it to colleagues and acquaintances. All anyone can ask is for you to do your best to give and receive the validation that allows us to feel worthy.
For me, this connects with some of the discussion in my last post, about it being okay to be struggling. We seek validation for the feelings we are having - sometimes we don't feel worthy or worth it. But as Oprah says, you are worthy because you were born. Happiness is not the only thing that needs to be validated. All aspects of being a person require validation. I know that for me, I find the greatest support in knowing that a friend or family member understands my emotions for what they are and allows me to experience them in my own way. How can we discount what someone is celebrating or struggling with, if we have never lived a minute in their shoes? All we can do is validate them for their unique and worthy experience because they are no less than we are for having it.
I want you to know that you are worthy. Sometimes the lack of acknowledgement we receive from people outweighs the acknowledgement we do receive. It blinds us to the fact that there are people out there who are genuinely validating us. It is similar to how negative feedback tends to stick with us more than positive feedback (it overpowers the positive).
I think it is important to step back and recognize that sometimes people just don't know how to acknowledge or validate, but that doesn't mean they aren't trying. We are only human, and can only act based on the experience we have mixed with our personality. The people that care will try again. Be the person who tries again.
Love you lots Morgo,
Mack
PS. On a pop-culture note, this makes me think of "I see you" from Avatar.
PPS. I suggest watching the last Oprah show, even if you aren't a fan. Also, most of her script can be found on her website Oprah.com.
PPPS. The concept of acknowledgement is an ethical theory developed by Michael J. Hyde. I was taught about it in Bert Ballard's Communication Ethics classes. Hyde's book is called The Life-Giving Gift of Acknowledgement... check it out!
I learned in one of my classes that validation comes from acknowledging who the person is in all of their uniqueness. By answering someone's call to see and hear them, you give them confirmation that they exist in this world. How many times have we seen some sort of disability inhibit that confirmation because it is too different?
Too many to count.
True acknowledgement is different than recognition. I could say I hear you and see you, but not accept you in my heart for every aspect of who you are. I may try to categorize you or dismiss you based on what I see and hear. It isn't enough. We have to go that extra bit to let someone share a space with us where it is safe to be exactly who they are (and it is safe for you to be who you are too) and in that space we can experience the world together.
It is said that if we don't reach out in this way and acknowledge genuinely, the person enters a place of fear, anxiety, stress, sadness, anger and isolation. Have you been in this place before? Do you think you've caused someone to be in this place?
I can answer yes to both of those questions. I have both felt that terrible place, and I know I have caused it. I recognize that we are human, we make mistakes, and sometimes we don't have the capacity to validate every person. But we don't have to... it is like taking baby steps. Start out small, with the people around you: parents, friends, siblings... and then extend it to colleagues and acquaintances. All anyone can ask is for you to do your best to give and receive the validation that allows us to feel worthy.
For me, this connects with some of the discussion in my last post, about it being okay to be struggling. We seek validation for the feelings we are having - sometimes we don't feel worthy or worth it. But as Oprah says, you are worthy because you were born. Happiness is not the only thing that needs to be validated. All aspects of being a person require validation. I know that for me, I find the greatest support in knowing that a friend or family member understands my emotions for what they are and allows me to experience them in my own way. How can we discount what someone is celebrating or struggling with, if we have never lived a minute in their shoes? All we can do is validate them for their unique and worthy experience because they are no less than we are for having it.
I want you to know that you are worthy. Sometimes the lack of acknowledgement we receive from people outweighs the acknowledgement we do receive. It blinds us to the fact that there are people out there who are genuinely validating us. It is similar to how negative feedback tends to stick with us more than positive feedback (it overpowers the positive).
I think it is important to step back and recognize that sometimes people just don't know how to acknowledge or validate, but that doesn't mean they aren't trying. We are only human, and can only act based on the experience we have mixed with our personality. The people that care will try again. Be the person who tries again.
Love you lots Morgo,
Mack
PS. On a pop-culture note, this makes me think of "I see you" from Avatar.
PPS. I suggest watching the last Oprah show, even if you aren't a fan. Also, most of her script can be found on her website Oprah.com.
PPPS. The concept of acknowledgement is an ethical theory developed by Michael J. Hyde. I was taught about it in Bert Ballard's Communication Ethics classes. Hyde's book is called The Life-Giving Gift of Acknowledgement... check it out!
Saturday, February 04, 2012
The Art of Asking for Help
Saturday, February 4th, 2012
Hey There Morgy!
There have been a few events in the last little while that has caused the topic of mental health and counselling to come up in my life.
Unfortunately, there seems to be some sort of stigma about mental health where people find it difficult to admit they need help - and thus they end up not seeking the help that is available. I find myself really questioning what is causing this stigma, and how it can be changed. I feel as if a little more education about these issues may be one of the keys. Perhaps mini modules on different disorders aimed at different audience ages would open up our communities to an environment where it is a bit easier to bring up the topic because everyone would have a bit of a basis on how to react. Not to mention, some major misconceptions about the different disorders could be cleared up, right off the bat.
For example, I know that for me, a bit more knowledge about things would keep me from jumping to incorrect conclusions if a friend tells me they are struggling with depression. I can see that it would probably help me to be more comfortable in the conversation, able to ask appropriate questions and be there in a better capacity for my friend.
The stigma goes both ways though, not only do we need help receiving the information, there is also a need to help people speak up and speak out about what they are going through. I don't think it has to be a hugely publicized thing... it just needs to be loud enough so that those who can provide help, or those who know who can provide it, hear.
The things we struggle with in life, whether big or little - they all matter. They are all valid and worthy. It amazes me how many people see no validity in their feelings because they feel as if they are unworthy - myself included. I am no where near an expert in these matters, but I am learning as much as possible from my own experiences. I am learning that there is nothing weak about admitting what you are struggling with - it takes courage to face it and want to do something about it. Someone told me recently that our struggles are what makes us beautiful, I couldn't agree more.
Moments of struggle are the moments that make us stop, breath, and appreciate all the beauty that exists around us. One of my favourite slam poets Shane Koyczan has a line that reads "sadness is nothing more than the cost of being able to smile once and a while". Those moments of struggle and sadness allow us to experience something new, diversify ourselves, and truly be grateful for the things we have in life -big and little- that truly make us happy. These moments are nothing to be ashamed of. Asking for help in these moments is nothing to be ashamed of. It is just part of who we are.
I am learning that there isn't a particular formula for asking for help - it is entirely situational: dependent on circumstance and person. Some have no trouble seeking the help they need, some people have to work up to it - but for every person it is a milestone. A milestone that should be celebrated as an act of courage and strength.
Asking for help is an art. It is never perfected, only adjusted throughout our lives. It manifests in a unique way for each person. It is different. It is scary. It is provoking and, it is beautiful. We can't expect everyone to be able to assist in every moment - but if we can ask once, we must ask again, without shame. For there is someone in this world who will reach out their hand and help.
I was told once that it is a wonderful thing to want to help everyone - but it is selfish to not let them help you.
It takes practice, but it isn't impossible. I've started by trying to identifying the little things I need help and support with, and naturally I flow into thoughts of bigger things I need help with. I don't meant to say that people will fix things for me, I know that I must work on them myself... but that does not mean I can't ask for help in the way of support, guidance, counsel and advice from professionals and from friends and family.
We are not alone. No one is alone. All you have to do is ask.
Love you,
Mack
Ps. Here is the poem the quote is from... it is called Atlantis:
Passing of a Friend
Hi Mack,
As you know Christina’s dad has been sick. Unfortunately he has passed away. The funeral was yesterday (January 18th), Mom and I went to pay our respects. Christina’s dad loved his truck and always kept it spotless. He even owned a business called Doug’s Ultra Shine. At the funeral his casket was carried out and put in the back of his pick up truck. He loved his truck and Christina’s mom said that was his last ride.
See ya Tigger
As you know Christina’s dad has been sick. Unfortunately he has passed away. The funeral was yesterday (January 18th), Mom and I went to pay our respects. Christina’s dad loved his truck and always kept it spotless. He even owned a business called Doug’s Ultra Shine. At the funeral his casket was carried out and put in the back of his pick up truck. He loved his truck and Christina’s mom said that was his last ride.
See ya Tigger
Friday, December 23, 2011
Under The Weather
Hey Mack,
Guess who??
I wanted to write to you to say hi and tell you I am feeling a little under the weather. I have a chest infection. I sure hope it goes away before Christmas. Are you coming home for Christmas. I hope so because I miss you. I have not been to work because I am not feeling well. I would not want to spread my infection to people at the hospital. I know I am missed though because someone told me the people at Oncology were asking about me. I think my Dad had to do my deliveries. Ha Ha.
I can’t wait for you to come visit and see my cool new picture on the wall in my room. My cousin, Tony, sent me an autographed poster of “Lights”. She even wrote me a message on it. So cool. Mom got it framed for me and I am going to hang it above my bed.
Talk to you soon,
Morg
Guess who??
I wanted to write to you to say hi and tell you I am feeling a little under the weather. I have a chest infection. I sure hope it goes away before Christmas. Are you coming home for Christmas. I hope so because I miss you. I have not been to work because I am not feeling well. I would not want to spread my infection to people at the hospital. I know I am missed though because someone told me the people at Oncology were asking about me. I think my Dad had to do my deliveries. Ha Ha.
I can’t wait for you to come visit and see my cool new picture on the wall in my room. My cousin, Tony, sent me an autographed poster of “Lights”. She even wrote me a message on it. So cool. Mom got it framed for me and I am going to hang it above my bed.
Talk to you soon,
Morg
Christmas At the Mall
Hey Mack,
I went shopping with my Mom the other day because I needed to find something to wear and get some Christmas gifts. I love shopping, but this time it was so crowded in every store. I really think they try hard to cover ever last speck of floor space, so I can't get in. I had to pass by so many stores because of this. Don't they know how much money I would spend in there, if it was accessible. Silly people.
Anyways, just was very frustrated and wanted to tell you.
Love Morg
I went shopping with my Mom the other day because I needed to find something to wear and get some Christmas gifts. I love shopping, but this time it was so crowded in every store. I really think they try hard to cover ever last speck of floor space, so I can't get in. I had to pass by so many stores because of this. Don't they know how much money I would spend in there, if it was accessible. Silly people.
Anyways, just was very frustrated and wanted to tell you.
Love Morg
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Relay Reflections!
December 22nd, 2011
Hey Morgy!
Thank you so much for coming out to the Relay in November. I am sorry that I haven't gotten this post up sooner (as soon as I got back, we were launched into exam period!).
The Rick Hansen Relay was an amazing experience. I showed up in Sarnia at about 3:00pm and got my gear. Then we had an orientation meeting where we learned all about the Relay, the medal and the people in the room. Morg, the people I met that day are amazing. I was so inspired by all of them.
Before we headed out to our points on the track, we all shared our stories with each other. Everyone is truly a difference maker in the community, no matter what their age. I am so honoured to say that all of our lives collided on that day. It makes me a little sad that I may never see them again, but the moments we had and the ideas we shared are something I will treasure forever.
After that, we all got on the shuttle and dropped people off at their stations. We watched a message from Rick Hansen and when each person got off, everyone cheered and clapped.
It was so wonderful seeing you, your mom and my parents waiting at my stop. It was even better that you walked with me.
The medal has a real energy. The coordinators told us it would, but I didn't expect the full power of it until it was placed around my neck. It holds all of the memories of its journey and all the pride and honour of the people who carried it.
Thank you so much for being there with me. It wouldn't have been the same without you. I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did (even though it was freezing).
Love you lots!
Mack
Hey Morgy!
 |
| The loyal waiters! (Morg, Mrs. E, Mom and Marley) |
The Rick Hansen Relay was an amazing experience. I showed up in Sarnia at about 3:00pm and got my gear. Then we had an orientation meeting where we learned all about the Relay, the medal and the people in the room. Morg, the people I met that day are amazing. I was so inspired by all of them.
 |
| Getting off the bus! |
After that, we all got on the shuttle and dropped people off at their stations. We watched a message from Rick Hansen and when each person got off, everyone cheered and clapped.
It was so wonderful seeing you, your mom and my parents waiting at my stop. It was even better that you walked with me.
 |
| Dad, Mom, Mrs. E, Morg and Mack |
Thank you so much for being there with me. It wouldn't have been the same without you. I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did (even though it was freezing).
Love you lots!
Mack
 |
| Receiving the medal! |
 |
| Walking! |
 |
| Dancing to the tunes played from the bus! |
 |
| Passing off the medal |
 |
| Mack, Morg and Mrs. E with the commemorative medal! |
 |
| The medal bearers! |
 |
| The medal bearing dance! |
 |
| Clapping about something! |
 |
| Chillen with Ronald! |
 |
| Picture with the actual medal. |
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Rick Hansen Relay
Hey Mack,
Thank you for the chance to walk with you during your stretch of the Rick Hansen Relay. I think we have been through a lot together and our friendship is amazing. I loved walking with you because I always have so much fun and you sure are an AWESOME person to me.
Doing the Rick Hansen Relay was so fun and I got to meet some cool people. You are always thinking about me and that makes me filled with joy!
I got some great pics.
Love you lots,
Morg
Thank you for the chance to walk with you during your stretch of the Rick Hansen Relay. I think we have been through a lot together and our friendship is amazing. I loved walking with you because I always have so much fun and you sure are an AWESOME person to me.
Doing the Rick Hansen Relay was so fun and I got to meet some cool people. You are always thinking about me and that makes me filled with joy!
I got some great pics.
Love you lots,
Morg
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Rick Hansen Relay
November 24th, 2011
Dear Morgan,
I have some really exciting news to share!
Last Thursday (the 17th of November) I received a phone-call from the coordinators of the Rick Hansen 25th Anniversary Relay. They have asked me to be a medal bearer in the Sarnia area today (November 24th) at 5:18pm! I'm so very excited to be a part of this incredible commemorative opportunity. I am sincerely looking forward to meeting all of the other difference makers who care about community and who contribute all they can towards making this world the best place possible.
Most of all, I can't wait to run those 250m with you - bearing the medal that recognizes Rick Hansen, his incredible Man in Motion tour and the absolutely wonderful things he has done for this world. It will be a moment to remember him, you, and all of the others who are fighting for their causes. All of you inspire me to branch out and think in ways I've never had to before to come up with innovative and sustainable solutions.
I will see you later today, and most likely we will have many stories to tell afterwards.
Love you lots,
Mack
Ps. Visit www.rickhansenrelay.com for more info about the relay!
Dear Morgan,
I have some really exciting news to share!
Last Thursday (the 17th of November) I received a phone-call from the coordinators of the Rick Hansen 25th Anniversary Relay. They have asked me to be a medal bearer in the Sarnia area today (November 24th) at 5:18pm! I'm so very excited to be a part of this incredible commemorative opportunity. I am sincerely looking forward to meeting all of the other difference makers who care about community and who contribute all they can towards making this world the best place possible.
Most of all, I can't wait to run those 250m with you - bearing the medal that recognizes Rick Hansen, his incredible Man in Motion tour and the absolutely wonderful things he has done for this world. It will be a moment to remember him, you, and all of the others who are fighting for their causes. All of you inspire me to branch out and think in ways I've never had to before to come up with innovative and sustainable solutions.
I will see you later today, and most likely we will have many stories to tell afterwards.
Love you lots,
Mack
Ps. Visit www.rickhansenrelay.com for more info about the relay!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Respite
Hey Mack,
How are you? I am just getting home from respite this weekend. That means, for all the readers who do not know what respite is, I go to a community group home for the weekend in order to give my parents a break. It is not the best place for me, but I go because I need a break and so do my parents. While at respite I always have to tell them how to take care of me. This weekend they put me to bed backwards. Kind of uncomfortable. Oh well, they figured it out and repositioned me at midnight. Thank goodness. I got home and was excited to see my parents. They found my sisters old Ipod. I was excited, even though it is ancient. I really like technology. Speaking of which, my parents also bought me a new little stand for my Ipad. It holds it up on an angle, so I can use it easier.
Anyways, it was an uneventful weekend.
Love ya lots, Mack
Morg
How are you? I am just getting home from respite this weekend. That means, for all the readers who do not know what respite is, I go to a community group home for the weekend in order to give my parents a break. It is not the best place for me, but I go because I need a break and so do my parents. While at respite I always have to tell them how to take care of me. This weekend they put me to bed backwards. Kind of uncomfortable. Oh well, they figured it out and repositioned me at midnight. Thank goodness. I got home and was excited to see my parents. They found my sisters old Ipod. I was excited, even though it is ancient. I really like technology. Speaking of which, my parents also bought me a new little stand for my Ipad. It holds it up on an angle, so I can use it easier.
Anyways, it was an uneventful weekend.
Love ya lots, Mack
Morg
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